November 25 to December 9, 2022, marked the 16 Days of Activism in Tasmania. Walks taken each day were coordinated as part of an annual international campaign to raise awareness of gender-based violence.
We walked for elimination of violence against women and children. As I stated in my speech below:
Family violence is not inevitable. It is preventable.
Launceston walks were orchestrated by the organisations that are part of the Northern Domestic Violence Coordinating Committee. Each day leaders conducted walks around Launceston CBD; these walks led by local government sectors, Safe Choices, migrant service sector, health service sector, men’s services sector, housing services sector and Safe@Home.
Walkers were given vests with such slogans as “Doing nothing does harm”, “Say no to violence”, “No excuse for abuse” and “A woman’s place is … the same as a man’s”. “Life skills for all” was emblazoned on the back of the vests. Similar events were held across Tasmanian locations including Hobart and Devonport. The photograpoh above was taken at the beginning of the walks in Launceston.
I was privileged to speak on the last day of Launceston’s 16 Days of Activism. The context of that speech follows.
“Today marks the conclusion of the 16 Days of Activism. I am thankful for this opportunity to speak to you here. Today Tasmania joins communities across Australia, and the world, in declaring that all women must be able to live free from all forms of violence.
“There’s now a 10-year national plan put together by federal, state and territory governments that aims to end violence and domestic terrorism against women and children in a generation.
Eliminating family violence must be a top priority for all of society because we are in the middle of a crisis with one woman a week being killed by her partner. We’ve all heard this statistic before, but do you know that one in five are abused and one in four may be an abuser? So, you probably know someone who fits those two groups. This brings the crisis closer to home and it stresses the importance of every one of us being involved in reducing abuse against our family members, friends, work colleagues and acquaintances.
“No longer can society turn a blind eye to family violence, nor can we give abusers room to excuse their abuse or refuse to take responsibility for abusive behaviour.
“The sooner we understand that abusers choose to abuse and it’s never your fault for being abused, nor is it your duty to fix the abuser, the greater the focus is on perpetrators to make positive changes, rather than all the responsibility laid on the victim to fix this crisis.
“What causes family violence, or as I prefer, domestic terrorism? Alcohol and substance abuse, being overworked, financial stress and mental issues may exacerbate incidents of abuse in the family, however these factors are not the drivers of abuse. The need for power and control and gender inequality are the primary reasons for partner abuse and it is time for abusers to recognise and acknowledge this and to seek help.
“Inequality between men and women in their daily lives increases rates of domestic violence so we need more gender-equal communities.
“An abuser rules by fear and control. Is this the family environment we want children to grow up in, where one person has power over everyone else? No, of course not!
“No longer can we be bystanders, telling ourselves that the problem is too big for one person to make a difference. Do some research, inform yourselves what family violence looks like, especially the more subtle forms of abuse: coercive control, financial or emotional abuse. By being informed, you are better able to recognise abuse in your family, in your friends or, if you yourself are being abused. If you have concerns about another, ask them if they are ok. Be prepared for that person to tell you to mind your own business or deny they are being abused. Please don’t take their response personally.
I was a denier of victimisation for almost 17 years. It often takes up to seven abusive events before a victim feels safe enough or mentally ready to leave an abuser. By offering support through believing and listening to a victim should they disclose partner abuse, you may just save a life! You don’t have to fix the problem – simply refer the victim to a family violence and sexual assault support service. As I found out, that first step is the biggest and most important step to regaining my control and a life free of abuse.
“What not to say to someone you think may be experiencing partner abuse:
“I don’t believe you; he/she is so nice to everyone.
“It can’t be that bad, you haven’t left.
“Surely you’re exaggerating. If it’s that bad, you’d better leave right now!
“What’s the matter with you, still living with this monster?!
“Statements like this blame and shame the victim rather than focusing on the abuser’s behaviour.
“Queensland University of Technology Professor Michael Flood says, ‘Most men think violence against women and domestic violence is an issue, but it's not my issue.
“ ‘If you do nothing, then you are basically condoning that behaviour. The standard we walk past, is the standard we accept.’
“I see a growing number of male sporting, religious and corporate leaders speaking out about violence against women, but it is important to engage more men in the issue.
“Men – be the change you want to see. Call abuse out when you can safely do so. Don’t make excuses for your friends or family members.
“We need a cultural shift in our attitudes towards family violence. Start thinking this is an issue that is solvable. It’s not too big for an individual to make a difference. Change starts with every one of us. You can be the ones to drive this change.
“Family violence is not inevitable, it is preventable.
“After you’ve left here, look out for each other, your friends, family, and yourself. Thank you.”
Deborah Thomson moved to Tasmania with her daughter in 2010, and now lives with her partner of nine years and a parrot. She moved to escape domestic violence and, inspired by her new partner, wrote her first book, Whose Life Is It Anyway? Recognising and Surviving Domestic Violence, to help others recognise abuse (and in particular coercive control), in the home, and to increase their motivation to leave earlier. After publishing her first book, she became a trained advocate through Engender Equality, a non-government Tasmanian organisation working with people and communities impacted by family violence. Deborah Thomson advocates for survivors of family violence, speaking at domestic violence events across Tasmania, through media channels and podcasts. She recently completed a second book, detailing lived experience with domestic violence by her then husband, spanning 17 years from 1985 to 2003. This book is now used in Tasmania as an information resource for family violence counsellors and students on practicals.