This essay is dedicated to my three daughters and to all the children born into abuse.
I’d been left to my own devices for much of my childhood. Neglected, unnoticed, ignored. I became accustomed to this, which is in large part, why I accepted similar behaviour from another in adult life. Into such an environment my children were born.
A parent’s mental ill health, alcohol and substance abuse, poverty and homelessness are some of the issues families may face, and which can determine a child’s upbringing, dysfunctional or not. The biggest issue children face is family violence. In Australia, mental health disorders are a leading cause of disease burden in children. Children’s experiences of domestic and family violence (DFV) are noted as one of the most common and severe adverse childhood events.
Previous research has acknowledged that experiencing DFV in childhood can increase the risk of mental health disorders such as aggression, hyperactivity, depression, anxiety, eating disorders and phobias. Mental health issues may also emerge long after initial exposure to family violence. (See https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/family-violence-and-children 1/06/2022.)
The findings of this research respond to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare’s call for increased data on the long-term outcomes for children who have experienced DFV. Projects such as this are significant because they a detailed understanding of the impact of DFV, and new insights into the effect of DFV on children’s mental health.
Findings can be used to inform policy and best practice in mental health service provision, DFV responses to children and mental health prevention efforts. They can also enable more targeted interventions to benefit children experiencing DFV, their families and their communities, as well as cross-jurisdictional mental health services and government agencies.
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Children have a massive weight to bear, keeping a parent safe while trying to navigate a life full of uncertainty, instability, anxiety and lack of understanding of why, and what, is happening in the family environment.
A child can be exposed to abuse either by directly experiencing the violence (being the target), or witnessing violence being inflicted upon somebody else. When exposed to violence within their family, this is considered family violence. Children who witness regular acts of violence have greater emotional and behavioural problems than other children. Even very young children can be profoundly frightened and affected.
Contrary to popular belief, witnessing episodes of violence between people they love can affect young children as much as if they were the victims of the violence.
MYTH: Children aren’t really affected by family violence between their parents.
FACT: Seeing violent behaviour perpetrated by one parent towards another and growing up in an unpredictable, fear-filled environment can have significant detrimental impacts on children. Studies have shown children exposed to family violence are at greater risk of developing depression and experiencing behaviour problems. They can also suffer at school, developing poor reading and language skills, and struggling to make and maintain friendships. Under Victorian law, if someone is abusive towards their partner or spouse in front of a child, they can be charged with child abuse. Tasmania uses the term “family violence” to acknowledge that children who witness violence are victims in their own right, but goes no further.
Research on children exposed to domestic and family violence indicates a range of impacts that such children are likely to experience, among them mood problems including depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms, increased aggression, antisocial behaviour, lower social competence, temperament problems, low self-esteem, the presence of pervasive fear, loneliness, school difficulties, peer conflict, impaired cognitive functioning, and increased likelihood of substance abuse.
Researchers note that such social, behavioural, cognitive, and emotional effects may also have a lasting impact on education and employment outcomes.
Short-term effects of domestic violence
A child’s response to repeated domestic violence depends on a number of factors including their age, gender, personality, and family role. Some of the immediate effects can include blaming themselves for the violence, sleeping difficulties such as nightmares, regression to an earlier stage of development (such as thumb sucking and bedwetting), becoming increasingly anxious or fearful, displaying aggressive or destructive behaviour, starting to withdraw from people and events, becoming a victim or perpetrator of bullying, starting to show cruelty to animals, experiencing stress-related illnesses, such as headache or stomach pain, displaying speech difficulties (such as stuttering), misusing drugs and alcohol (in young adults).
Long-term effects of domestic violence
A child growing up in an abusive household learns to solve their problems using violence rather than through more peaceful means. Some of the long-term effects may include copying their parental role models and behaving in similarly destructive ways in their adult relationships.
Children may learn that it is acceptable to behave in a degrading way to other people, as they have seen this occur in the violent episodes they witnessed. Appropriate support and counselling will help children to grow up learning how to relate to others with trust and respect.
There are ways to help child emotionally recover from domestic violence:
- Get support to act against the violence.
- Protect children from violence by taking them to a safe place.
- Tell the child that abusive behaviour is wrong and be a role model for other ways of managing anger and solving problems.
- Reassure the child that none of the violent episodes were their fault in any way.
- Tell them how much you love them and cuddle them often.
- Encourage them to talk openly about their feelings.
- Get extra help for your child if necessary.
- Enlist a trusted adult to provide your child with emotional support.
- Seek professional help, such as counselling, for all family members.
The family is the most critical institution in our society. Family's internal dynamics can have both positive and negative effects on the further development of the child.
In modern society, there is a perception that violence occurs only in socially disadvantaged families. However, research shows that domestic violence occurs in all sectors of society, regardless of cultural, religious, social, legal and economic aspects. Violence in any family causes disorders and affects all levels of a child's personality development, his/her emotional and cognitive spheres, as well as behaviour. Family abuse has a negative impact on children regardless of their being witnesses to abuse or the direct victims of conflict.
According to some researchers, domestic violence is the deadliest violence to which children can be exposed. Children are not always victims of bullying and violence. They often witness violence towards their mother, or younger members of the family. In such circumstances, the psychological trauma can be much stronger than if a child him/herself became the object of abuse (Widom & Wilson: 2015).
Violence acts as a trigger to changes in physiological and neurobiological processes and leads to permanent disorders in brain structures. Studies have identified a link between the effects of family violence and external behavior, traumatic stress, internalisation problems, and social problems in children with psychological (or emotional) violence experienced in childhood manifesting itself throughout adult life (Gustafsson 2015; Greene :2018).
Children who experienced domestic violence in the past may react to conflict with higher emotional intensity than children who did not grow up with domestic violence. An inferiority complex may develop in a child if he/she experienced violence in the family. He/she is prone to solitude, fantasies, as well as aggression and antisocial behavior. At the same time, aggression can be directed both against others and against oneself (Margolin & Vickerman: 2011).
It is essential to identify and understand as early as possible the psychopathology in young children before problems arise (Greene: 2018).
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I have spent much of this essay focusing on studies and research to highlight the effects of abuse in the family on children.
Both retrospective and prospective studies published in recent years have revealed a close connection between cumulative traumatic events in childhood and the effects in adulthood. As discussed earlier, these included family dysfunction, and social isolation, as well as illness of an adult’s physical and mental health. Children are negatively shaped by being abused or seeing abuse in their family. Research suggests (and I repeat myself here since it is something that needs to be reiterated) that domestic violence contributes to difficulties in adapting, accepting oneself, establishing relationships in society, causes conflict behavior, isolation in oneself. Children may interpersonal difficulties in their future intimate relationships and friendship. They are also more likely to be harassed and engaged in self- abuse Children are also at risk of direct traumas when they intervene in violent acts.
Meta-synthesis has shown that children describe domestic violence as a complicated, isolating, and long-term experience, which often leads to destruction, loss and problems in their meaningful relationships. Frequent feelings of fear, anxiety, helplessness, and sadness of children were also revealed. It can be concluded that domestic violence harms the social and psychological development of the child. The violence, experienced in childhood, has a direct impact. It can also lead to long-term consequences, often affecting the whole life. It can contribute to the formation of specific family relationships, unique life scenarios. Children with a high level of domestic violence in the family have a low level of socio-psychological adaptability.
Deborah Thomson moved to Tasmania with her daughter in 2010, and now lives with her partner of nine years and a parrot. She moved to escape domestic violence and, inspired by her new partner, wrote her first book, Whose Life Is It Anyway? Recognising and Surviving Domestic Violence, to help others recognise abuse (and in particular coercive control), in the home, and to increase their motivation to leave earlier. After publishing her first book, she became a trained advocate through Engender Equality, a non-government Tasmanian organisation working with people and communities impacted by family violence. Deborah Thomson advocates for survivors of family violence, speaking at domestic violence events across Tasmania, through media channels and podcasts. She recently completed a second book, detailing lived experience with domestic violence by her then husband, spanning 17 years from 1985 to 2003. This book is now used in Tasmania as an information resource for family violence counsellors and students on practicals.