Winner - Junior section
Clarence High School
The memories of my early childhood overflow with images of vivid white sand stretched endlessly, a border between the clear turquoise water and signature Tasmanian wilderness. The endless days splashing in the shallows, building sandcastle masterpieces, and racing with boogie boards on the waves.
That feels unreachable now. So long ago that memories are dusted with cobwebs of nostalgia. A happiness that will never be reclaimed. The sand still tickles between my toes, but the beach is different tonight. The wind brings waves crashing down onto the shadowed sand and the trees howl in harmony. It whips my ratty hair back from my face and every step threatens to blow me away.
By the time primary school finished, I no longer found joy in everything. The only place I loved was the ocean. Floating on my back, I could end up anywhere. The currents were in control. The chorus of disgusted grimaces and veiled insults would never reach me there. “Oh look, there’s the weirdo,” was inaudible over the soothing lullaby of the sea. The ocean was, in a way, my first love. I loved her, and she accepted me despite my flaws.
So where else could I go, in my darkest hour? Despite the raging storm, I stride towards the ocean once again. The growing swell thrashes the sand and swallows my ankles. The frigid water calms the chaos of thoughts filling my head.
Then I found you, the person I could confide in. You ignored the jeering, as if other’s opinions were meaningless. Your spirit sung to me, an angelic voice that harmonised with the ocean. You opened my heart, so I brought you to my sea sanctuary. We were perfect for each other. How was I to know what would happen?
Tears stream down my cheeks as I stare at the horizon, where the sea and sky become one. Memories invade my mind, one after the other. I need to escape, so I run and hurl myself into an oncoming wave. The icy water cuts through my clothes and assaults my skin, whilst numbing my thoughts. I feel the currents beginning to drag my legs into the merciless rocks.
We were intoxicated on love and laughter. Racing through the sand, hysterics sent us stumbling to our knees. Under the fiery setting sun, we shed our jackets and responsibilities and dove into the water together, giggling like children. The water wrapped around our bodies, warmth from long summer days lingering in the currents. Our bedraggled hair was plastered to our faces. We must have looked ridiculous.
How could I have missed it? The memories play over like a broken record. It was so obvious, but my eyes had only one target. The water steals the feeling in my toes… I wish it could numb my shattered heart.
Our first kiss mingled with the taste of salt on our lips, clumsy hands tracing over sodden clothes. Nothing else mattered in my world but your sparkling eyes and flushed cheeks. Why did you have to swim away?
The rip is even stronger today.
Everything was blurry. You weren’t laughing anymore. The ocean was dragging you out, pulling you away from me. I could hear you coughing, inhaling more water than air. A rip had trapped you in its snare and was pulling you away from me.
I relish the feeling of surrendering my body to the ocean.
Your head disappeared again and your fight was gone. I scoured the water for you, a challenging feat with the sky now darkened to a dusty orange. It was pure chance that my desperate kicks brushed your body. I wrapped my arm around your torso, fighting against the lactic acid coursing through my legs. I tried to haul us out of the rip, in a panic-fuelled attempt. I was conscious of every time the waves lapped over your mouth, but there was nothing I could do. I was too weak. Anguish consumed me as I let go of you. I was desperate for help.
It’s easier this time. My buried rage and sorrow detonate the ticking time bomb. I attack the raging rip, screaming and gagging on the salty water filling my lungs. It is the only way to see you again.
It was adrenaline that got me to the shallows. I forced my legs to stand, feeling dizzy as I rose. My feet were numb to the shells and sticks that normally made me wince, as I sprinted to the pile of discarded jackets and shoes. My whole body shook with short gasping breaths as I stabbed 000 into my phone.
“Ambulance …” I wheezed, before the operator had time to ask.
The last of my oxygen disappears, replaced by freezing water in my lungs. My whole body feels like it outweighs my sorrow.
Flashes of red and blue invaded my world. Strong, warm hands gripped me, trying to drag me away from the water. Exhaustion defeated me as floodlights illuminated the thrashing waves where your cold, pale body left my arms for the last time. Comforting words and blankets could not begin to thaw my rapidly freezing heart.
Life alone was awful. I saw shadows of you everywhere, but they retreated like rainbows.
Losing you felt like having half my heart removed. But while most people have friends and family to heal their stitches, I had no one. My stitches tore over and over, until there was nothing left to heal. Not even the miracle cure: time. My existence embodied emptiness, nothing to be loved, or love with.
The ocean was the first place that felt like home, so it’s fitting that it is where I rest forever. Finally reunited with my love, far under the waves.
