The days go quickly now
Time flies they say
But in reality it does not
Minutes drag into hours
Tedium and repetition expanded
Futures were once planned
Futures were once expected
but not any more
The future is a laneway down winding steps
With only darkness at the bottom
Aimless “work” - “activities”
Self absorbed - directed compliance
Keeping minds and bodies engaged
Now only to fill in the spaces
Delays between the hours of more tedium
weekends blend together
Days and nights become long and incoherent
Sleep enhanced with medication
Waking consumed with testing
To calm confused and conflicted minds
The same and more of the same again
Travel is limited
Stay together
Stay at home
At first limited but now becoming non existent
Borders now become solid
Solid - fixed and closed
Lines on maps now coalesce
Visual barriers become closed again
No visitors just family
Only family with you
No visitors - the same people
Numbers matter
the same activities each day
Recognition and recall blurring
New faces that are consistent and regular
Only the eyes remembered
Remembered for a short while
Time has shrunk - restricted to small blocks
Local and accessible areas of the outside world identified
Courtyards and balconies
The outside world shrinking
Reduced to recognised and approved safe spaces
Internal spaces - regulated access only
Time is calculated and closely watched
Clocks on the wall watched fervently
Watches on arms checked
Ensuring the time spent is reasonable
What is reasonable?
What is selfish?
A life put on hold for an indeterminate time
No not the singular
Rather- lives put on hold
Groups - a small community of lost souls floating in time
Floating together in a sea of increasing confusion
Confusion and fear
Hours and days become lost
Fading slowly into a past unclaimed
Disappearing
A past that is now obscure and discordant
Never to be recovered whole
The present is now gone as soon as it is lived
The zen of isolation
Living in a moment that is transitory and illusionary
Hoping for a solid future
Outside of the insular safe space of the lounge room
Or the bedroom or the garden
both time and life move on - but discordant and slow
Opportunities missed and sometimes never imagined
Plans non-existent now and on indefinite hold
Now memories have become distorted and vague
Expectations and excitement redacted
The wider world becoming increasingly concentric
The circle of life becomes compressed
The spirit of adventure restrained and reducing
Tolerances beginning to fray
The future and the present blending
now reduced to mundane cycles
Plans made in the past no longer relevant
Tedious activities and responses taking their place
Limited steps repeated and monitored by the clock
Regulated thinking
Energy levels decreasing
Interest and enthusiasm fading
The restlessness of waiting growing
The resignation of waiting increasing
Waiting for life to restart
To continue as the same
The return to “normal”
What is normal?
Return to what was before
But it never will
Trapped in the routine
Trapped by the routine
The routine of a world on pause
A world shrinking on all levels
No longer the expectation of new thoughts
Now there is Waiting
Merely waiting
Clinical order is maintained
Safe and sterile
Must be maintained
Bodily functions are regulated and monitored
Tea and biscuits organised and allocated
Interactions are increasingly limited
becoming insular, internal and technological in nature
Communication reducing to basic needs
Face to face on a tabloid screen
Life is ordered and calm
bodies moving in slowing decline
Nature culling the herd - the extent worldwide and ruthless
Lost souls shuffling behind hollow eyes
Restless - waiting for the journey yet to come
Waiting for this one to end
The need to shake off the enduring tiredness of this life
The faint yet pungent smell of death
Hidden behind the clinical freshness of chemicals
lingers pervasively everywhere
Reports of lives lost and losing the fight
Fear seeping into the walls from television screens
But the human spirit is still evident
Subtle and small in the background
Strengthened and acknowledged
by brief visits from and into the outside world
And then only for a short time
Before they again return
Leaving the world of fear
Back to the restless souls behind closed doors
Masks add to the worry
Distances shrinking again
But must be maintained
Individual rights are subsumed by the needs of the many
A bigger picture is in play
The story continues again
Time for individuals to take responsibility
For themselves and ultimately
the safety and life of the community
The future is now in the hands of others and ourselves
Written in 2020
Dr Geoff Wilmshurst spent 40 years as a professional teacher in disability education. He now spends his time travelling , writing and painting, and enjoying life with his wife Lorraine. He lives in the Blue Mountains in NSW, and finds inspiration for his work in its environment and that of similar places such as Tasmania and New Zealand. He hopes through art and poetry to connect with others, to make a positive difference in their lives, and to share the experience of what it means to be human and part of the natural world.
